Thursday, November 24, 2011

So those of you who know me are aware of my deliberate addiction to the Twilight series; not because they were great books, but because having them and being able to pick them up and read them instead of gambling saved my life.  I know that is melodramatic, however it is pretty close to the truth.

Anyone who has an addiction can relate; when you can't stop there is a feeling of wanting to end it all just to break the craving.  The knowledge that you have no control over your own desires or abilities. Hopelessness.

There were times that I thought if I was in a car accident it would be the easy way out.  Looking for a way to escape is a constant mental litany for most addicts.  All I could think about was the fact that I was gambling and couldn't take care of myself, that I was going to be one of those little old ladies that wear Depends so they don't have to leave the machine and go to the restroom.

I hid it from my friends and family.  I know the kids were pretty irritated if they found out I was sitting in front of a machine, so maybe I wasn't that good at hiding it.  But I don't think they realized the extent of it.  I could describe my behavior and specific situations, but that is baring more of my soul than I want to.  Suffice it to say I experienced one of the most extreme addictions to gambling
that I ever saw. I seriously didn't see a full paycheck for years, and the moment the check was in the bank I would be in the hole, to cover what I lost when I gambled. The only reason it didn't get worse is that I never owned anything I could pawn or outright sell.

According to Jonathan Pearlman, Sydney (Australia)  "A new guideline for doctors published on the Medical Journal of Australia’s website calls on practitioners to treat gambling addiction as a medical problem and recommends the use “with caution” of the drug naltrexone.....The drug, usually used to treat problems such as heroin and alcohol addictions, can help to block the overproduction in the brain of endogenous opioids and to assist people to control their impulses."

Addictions can happen to anyone; it has less to do with intelligence than it does state of mind.  You see, there is an area of the brain that is stroked, no matter what the addiction is, a feeling of being able to do anything, accomplish anything.  It puts you in a state of false well being we can't extend to our
everyday life.  Then it turns to a feeling of hopelessness and the knowledge that you are not strong enough to overcome what is happening to you makes you feel even worse.

Anyhow, my original intention was to comment on the latest movie of the Twilight series.  Yes, I have read the series about 12 times, over the period of a year.  I guess I needed to explain why I read it that many times.  To be able to fixate on something long enough to overcome the desire to go gamble (drink, do drugs) until the next time the need hits.....well, it was a blessing.

The first movies were pretty good if you like that kind of thing, but they didn't really approach the reality of being sucked in like reading them did.  This last movie was completely the opposite.  I felt almost vindicated that this was a series that helped me so much, thankful that I could connect and become absorbed in Breaking Dawn, Part 1 the same way I did the written series.  Thank you
Stephenie Meyer, from my heart.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Is Change Really all That Good?

I started typing and realized what I was writing was just a lot of whining.  No one wants to read that unless there are great pictures to go with it.  lol

So, my initial question, is change really all that good?  my ultimate answer (without the whining) is yes.........

Maybe I will get around to writing what I like about change.  But some days.............
Instead of writing, I think I will just share some of my favorite photos, and remind people that if things didn't change they would forever stay the same.  Even a rock changes; just not on the same time frame that we live.

Proud as a peacock
Wish we could have gotten a 'fan' picture. But I love this one.
This is one of the pictures I will need to include on my Domesticated Wildlife Wednesday.  Working on editing some other fun ones, but I am afraid the quick sister took all of the good ones, I will just have to set it up and share, allowing everyone to view things from yet another set of eyes.

Wacky Wildlife Wednesday

First, let me share a couple of  links, first to the bird and blooms blog I posted this evening and second to a post that shares the love of nature:      Fun times at Bauman's Farms.  Gonna do it again with yet another sister.  (Picture me smiling, quite satisfied.)   This is a post that shares the love of nature, and a good way to get yourself out there.

Now, today was spent with Dawn, driving around (one of our favorite things to do) taking pictures, enjoying each other's company.  I am not sure about Dawn, but I know that our biweekly jaunts tend to fulfill a desire nestled deep within, to make something in my life fun.  Aw, I realize that being able to play on the computer, being able to spend time with family, sharing the photos and the funnies of our family and friends may be enough for a lot of people.  But for me there needs to be a recharge point, something to plug into.

Today that something was going up to the reservoir (I know this spelling looks wrong, but its what the computer told me, so go figure!) to find birds.  Unfortunately there was only one, and he wasn't remotely interested in us:

We really had to zoom in so this isn't all that much
But is was a gorgeous day for our Wacky Wildlife Wednesday, and if that was all the wildlife we could find, it was worth the trip.

Here's a couple of more shots we took while hoping for a closer glimpse of our fine feathered buddy.

Should have been teeming with wildlife, instead all was peaceful, as you can see.

So it begs the question -- where have all the birds gone?
At some point I am going to hit the jackpot, I am going to stumble upon (I said it, too, Dawnee!) a flock of geese, or a kingfisher or a bald eagle soaring across the fields, but until then, I will use the days to recharge, learn to appreciate the gifts I have been given.
Thank you for stopping by.