My granddaughter tells me what I write is depressing. She would protest and
disagree denying that 'depressing isn't what she meant' , however I see her point.
When I write from 'around' myself it does come from my darker side. So, keep
that in mind as you read my blog today. It wasn't intended that way, in fact if I
spend some time on it the tongue in cheek part might come out. (sigh) But I don't
wanna. Sometimes things just need to come out with no fixing. I love you all.
We are all okay and will continue to be okay, but you may not think so after
reading the drivil spewing from that tiny portion of my brain that says 'poor me'.
I have shut down, gone into hiding, at least mentally, and partly emotionally. I
work, I putter about the house, help my my mother, my children and
grandchildren when I can. But sometimes there is so much love inside of me that
goes absolutely nowhere. A seriously selfish love; the kinds that says 'you should
love me back'. But we never love people in the way they want to be loved.
I am sure my daughter Marnie wanted my love to take care of her problems. But
I could only support from the sidelines; this is her life. People know I haven't
made the right choices over the years, certainly not an actively 'proper example'
of how to solve problems. So she is doing the best she can.
Darcie and Mondo try very hard to make what they have work. It is so difficult
to pull yourself out of a (valley), a (pit), a (funk). But again, I can only be there
on the sidelines.
I am not and have never been the center. Or, perhaps I have been the center
and I screwed it all up, the issues other people experience are just the tendrils
extending from my core. (oh my gosh, I have caused hurricaines, and I have
created tornados and all of those wonderful people are ...! if I had only......)
And regardless of the issues I experience (or create as the case may be), the
world has bigger problems than I do. I am one of the million masses of people.
We all know we are important. But we live in a two dimensional society. Everyone
knows the world revolves around me, or me, or me. If we can absorb and
integrate all of the other 'me's' in our own sphere, view and accept a three
dimensional connection then the world we live in may excel. What do I mean by
that? and maybe it is only me that views our connection as two dimensional. No,
a three dimensional connection would recognize the rights of other people. The
best creed written is the oath a doctor needs to take, and should be our mantra:
First, do no harm.
I don't see that happening. If the world had ended in May, if the world does end
in October then I want to go out listening to the sounds of Coldplay. They make
me cry, they make me feel; they touch the love inside me and give me a
connection. They create a connection to a three dimensional universe, and if
there is any fairness in life, this should carry on. For some people, a three
dimensional connection may be felt through the song of the Beatles, or Lady
Gaga, the Doors. The point is we feel a connection through music, through
writing, through sharing our love. I am part of something just through the act of
absorbsion. Is that about right, Dawn? The essence of being connected to the
universe.....there really is electricity in everything.