Winter

Winter.....We recognize it's value, that it is necessary in the cycle of things. But why?  Maybe I need to remember the value winter brings... I know the plants need this dormant period to build their energy for all that is called upon them in the spring.  Birds use this time to travel the world, finding winter homes better suited to their slight forms--
If we are not athletic we don't change our cycle; we don't treat a winter's day as anything more than a drearier time of the year.  We continue to work, go to school, use our energy up yearning for the sun.  We may read an extra book.
But, do we adapt to the cycle of winter?  I know I don't.  I don't find snow strewn paths to walk.  I seldom monitor nature to learn about the dormancy period in it's lifecycle. 
Perhaps I could take time to see the rosehips that grow from the spent rose blossoms, or maybe watch the birds that are spending more time at my bird bath after they eaten.  There's a definate desire to feel the crackle of the leaves on a pathway......if I would ever do it.
I love to 'pay attention' to the days getting longer, to notice when we have 15 extra minutes of light.  It is the season of writing for me.  With winter come ideas to develop.  This past fall I got what I thought of as a good idea, and I roped the family members that are writers into joining the project.
Then there is my book list; I think there are definate winter books, spring books, sum--you get the idea.  My favorite classical winter book is Little Women;  it is time for me to pick it up again.  But it is also time for me to treat winter as something I could join into -- the walk with nature, maybe a book club.  But mostly I think I need to use this dormancy period for what it is:  preparation for spring.

Testing....testing......all in fun

For me winter is a time for staying warm, family and games.  We love puzzles and word games.  I created one for you this week.  The references are either movie, novel or song, some are obvious, some I tried to make a bit obscure.  So, ten questions, ten answers, all with bird references, of a sort.


1.  Alfred Hitchcock famous movie        _ _ _   _ _ _ _ _
2.  Nature's marchers?                             _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
3.  Yearly Trek                                        _ _ _ _ _ _   _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
4.  Faithful to Professor Dumbledore     _ _ _ _ _ _ _
5.  Final movie of Bruce Lee's son         _ _ _   _ _ _ _
6.  Alcatraz bird of choice                      _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
7.  Jonathan Livingston,                         _ _ _ _ _ _ _
    bird by Diamond
8.  He flew too close to the sun              _ _ _ _ _ _
9.  Don't think it would really fly          _ _ _ _   _ _   _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
     up your nose 
10. Judy Garland dreamed of one         _ _ _ _   _ _ _ _
      over the rainbow


Ok, so it is all in fun.  I am not going to give you any hints

S
o........

     S
       c
         r
           o
              l
                l

     d
       o
         w
             n

                      h
                          e
                             r
                               e

for the  a
              n
                s
                  w
                     e
                       r
                        s.................................................



1.     The Birds  (no points for this one..........easy peasy!)

2.     Penguins

3.     Winged Migration

4.     Phoenix

5.     The Crow

6.     Canaries

7.     Seagull

8.     Icarus            (remember, he made his own wings and held them together with wax)

9     Bird of Paradise    (showing my age with this song of the 60's)

10.   Blue Bird      (I wanted to be more obscure and do a biblical reference, but the dove never
                               flew over the rainbow, which was God's promise -- so blue bird it is.)

So, give me a response post so I know how everyone did!!

                                                       There was a time when I loved life.

 Amazing that mom thinks that it doesn't matter that I don't have so much of my own stuff, or that what I do have is crammed in corners, laying on the floor in heaps, as she jokes about my recent frivolous purchases.  (I reminded her that when she used to get out and shop she would come home with items that had nothing more valuable than the aesthetic feel it could provide.)  She commented to my son that I would probably not notice it if he cleaned my stuff out of the garage, it had been so long I probably wouldn't even notice.

Amazing to think it doesn't occur to anyone that I hate not having my own car.  This thing that I drive around is what dad chose because he liked the last car he owned so much.....mom could get in and out with minimal fuss.

Amazing, as well, that she thinks I spend my money on frivolous stuff, junk if you will... (self preservation ?) just because I don't have areas that I have staked as things that I could organize and decorate myself has never stopped me from accumulating the silly.

...and amazing to think that I still feel like I am living on the fringe, utilizing someone else's space even though she truly doesn't mind that my things get left on the dining room table or stacked in the corner, and after all this time, I have not managed to organize the space I do have.

She recently made the comment that her house doesn't feel like her home anymore (missing dad).  I understand the feeling, its been so long since I have had the freedom of privacy, or the freedom to decorate a wall the way I would like, to display the paintings I have done.

Why have I needed permission to set the kitchen up the way I wanted?  Because she still uses it occasionally, and doesn't know where I or Dawn or Darcie puts things.  It is still her kitchen, I am just the chief cook and bottle washer.

Why did I stop painting? As far as the paintings go, I have nowhere to display any of them, and it doesn't feel okay to 'create' then toss them around to be ruined.  People don't realize that we sometime allow the minor comments or observations affect what we do.  Guess I let the comment 'don't know what you are going to do with all of those....' bother me.  They could have been Christmas presents.  But they are not painted, because I allowed the comment to influence me.

I am amazed that I have allowed myself to feel this way.  No one would mind if I claimed my life back, staked an area to reflect my personality, actually said, no it isn't okay that my stuff gets lost, ruined or neglected.  After all, don't we control our own lives?

So those of you who know me are aware of my deliberate addiction to the Twilight series; not because they were great books, but because having them and being able to pick them up and read them instead of gambling saved my life.  I know that is melodramatic, however it is pretty close to the truth.

Anyone who has an addiction can relate; when you can't stop there is a feeling of wanting to end it all just to break the craving.  The knowledge that you have no control over your own desires or abilities. Hopelessness.

There were times that I thought if I was in a car accident it would be the easy way out.  Looking for a way to escape is a constant mental litany for most addicts.  All I could think about was the fact that I was gambling and couldn't take care of myself, that I was going to be one of those little old ladies that wear Depends so they don't have to leave the machine and go to the restroom.

I hid it from my friends and family.  I know the kids were pretty irritated if they found out I was sitting in front of a machine, so maybe I wasn't that good at hiding it.  But I don't think they realized the extent of it.  I could describe my behavior and specific situations, but that is baring more of my soul than I want to.  Suffice it to say I experienced one of the most extreme addictions to gambling
that I ever saw. I seriously didn't see a full paycheck for years, and the moment the check was in the bank I would be in the hole, to cover what I lost when I gambled. The only reason it didn't get worse is that I never owned anything I could pawn or outright sell.

According to Jonathan Pearlman, Sydney (Australia)  "A new guideline for doctors published on the Medical Journal of Australia’s website calls on practitioners to treat gambling addiction as a medical problem and recommends the use “with caution” of the drug naltrexone.....The drug, usually used to treat problems such as heroin and alcohol addictions, can help to block the overproduction in the brain of endogenous opioids and to assist people to control their impulses."

Addictions can happen to anyone; it has less to do with intelligence than it does state of mind.  You see, there is an area of the brain that is stroked, no matter what the addiction is, a feeling of being able to do anything, accomplish anything.  It puts you in a state of false well being we can't extend to our
everyday life.  Then it turns to a feeling of hopelessness and the knowledge that you are not strong enough to overcome what is happening to you makes you feel even worse.

Anyhow, my original intention was to comment on the latest movie of the Twilight series.  Yes, I have read the series about 12 times, over the period of a year.  I guess I needed to explain why I read it that many times.  To be able to fixate on something long enough to overcome the desire to go gamble (drink, do drugs) until the next time the need hits.....well, it was a blessing.

The first movies were pretty good if you like that kind of thing, but they didn't really approach the reality of being sucked in like reading them did.  This last movie was completely the opposite.  I felt almost vindicated that this was a series that helped me so much, thankful that I could connect and become absorbed in Breaking Dawn, Part 1 the same way I did the written series.  Thank you
Stephenie Meyer, from my heart.

Is Change Really all That Good?

I started typing and realized what I was writing was just a lot of whining.  No one wants to read that unless there are great pictures to go with it.  lol

So, my initial question, is change really all that good?  my ultimate answer (without the whining) is yes.........

Maybe I will get around to writing what I like about change.  But some days.............

Instead of writing, I think I will just share some of my favorite photos, and remind people that if things didn't change they would forever stay the same.  Even a rock changes; just not on the same time frame that we live.

Wish we could have gotten a 'fan' picture. But I love this one.

 

This is one of the pictures I will need to include on my Domesticated Wildlife Wednesday.  Working on editing some other fun ones, but I am afraid the quick sister took all of the good ones, I will just have to set it up and share, allowing everyone to view things from yet another set of eyes.

Wacky Wildlife Wednesday

First, let me share a couple of  links, first to the bird and blooms blog I posted this evening and second to a post that shares the love of nature:

http://wp.me/p1oBHw-2mS      Fun times at Bauman's Farms.  Gonna do it again with yet another sister.  (Picture me smiling, quite satisfied.)

http://www.debduty.com/   This is a post that shares the love of nature, and a good way to get yourself out there.

Now, today was spent with Dawn, driving around (one of our favorite things to do) taking pictures, enjoying each other's company.  I am not sure about Dawn, but I know that our biweekly jaunts tend to fulfill a desire nestled deep within, to make something in my life fun.  Aw, I realize that being able to play on the computer, being able to spend time with family, sharing the photos and the funnies of our family and friends may be enough for a lot of people.  But for me there needs to be a recharge point, something to plug into.

Today that something was going up to the reservoir (I know this spelling looks wrong, but its what the computer told me, so go figure!) to find birds.  Unfortunately there was only one, and he wasn't remotely interested in us:

We really had to zoom in so this isn't all that much

But is was a gorgeous day for our Wacky Wildlife Wednesday, and if that was all the wildlife we could find, it was worth the trip.

Here's a couple of more shots we took while hoping for a closer glimpse of our fine feathered buddy.

Should have been teeming with wildlife, instead all was peaceful, as you can see.

So it begs the question -- where have all the birds gone?

At some point I am going to hit the jackpot, I am going to stumble upon (I said it, too, Dawnee!) a flock of geese, or a kingfisher or a bald eagle soaring across the fields, but until then, I will use the days to recharge, learn to appreciate the gifts I have been given.

Thank you for stopping by.

Reference to my other blog.

http://wp.me/p1oBHw-1Wm               


This should be a connection to the birdsandbloomsblog.com  blog I wrote tonight.  I would love if you all checked it out and left comments.

Its after 2:30 and I gotta work tomorrow...........