21st Century Family

In this day and age I am reminded of how much family needs each other.  The blogs I read are interesting and fun to follow.  Of course, like anyone else I love to have comments on my blogs.  For the most part it is family that comments.  I have several readers, but like me, they don't comment all that often.  So I was thinking about what lengths our family goes through to help each other out.

The common family dynamic is no longer two parents, two kids, one dog.  This would be an aberration.

Check this out:  for years Gramma Brown lived in a mother-in-law home next to Aunt Karen.  Now that Gramma is gone cousin Julie occupies that address, hopefully helping Aunt Karen out as she cares for her infirm husband, our Uncle Don.  Aunt Karen has been my ultimate example of selflessness....but even though she may growl about it now and then; it doesn't take away from her commitment as she in turn, took care of Gramma, Uncle Don as well as Julie.

Then there is my address, courtesy of Mom and Dad....I moved in several years ago and stayed so I would be available as they aged and needed more help.  Dad, of course, is gone now but Mom and I are going through the same scenario.  It has been a life saving location for me.

Or Dawn and Yo, who's house is definately a 'yours, mine, and our' locale, their main extention is Laura, a full time nurse who needs assistance raising her three kids, courtesy of Dawn and Yo.  At a point in time my son  also called their house home.  Dawn and Yo are like that.  If Darcie or Andrew had a say in it, they too would have been raised in that house by them.  Knowing this doesn't take away the love or the closeness Andrew, Darcie and I have.  If I had a choice I would be living with Dawn, too.

Which brings me to another example: Darcie with her little family is currently dwelling with her mother-in-law Angie.  In this case it is a mutual admiration society.  Darcie and Angie love each other and would be close friends even without Mondo or the kids in common.

Point is, our family never stops being our life.  We reach in deep and we make room for whatever is needed.  Lane and Jean do this with their kids....mostly against their will, I think, but they do it because they love their kids even when they don't like them.  In the last 10 years I think that at least 3 of their kids lived with them.  Help goes both ways in that situation.

People can seldom afford to live alone, at least in our family we would be happy with 10 acres and the agreement for everyone to dwell within.  Must focus on that, as I am not sure what my fate will be when Mom has gone.  In the meantime, I have my family.

                                                       There was a time when I loved life.

 Amazing that mom thinks that it doesn't matter that I don't have so much of my own stuff, or that what I do have is crammed in corners, laying on the floor in heaps, as she jokes about my recent frivolous purchases.  (I reminded her that when she used to get out and shop she would come home with items that had nothing more valuable than the aesthetic feel it could provide.)  She commented to my son that I would probably not notice it if he cleaned my stuff out of the garage, it had been so long I probably wouldn't even notice.

Amazing to think it doesn't occur to anyone that I hate not having my own car.  This thing that I drive around is what dad chose because he liked the last car he owned so much.....mom could get in and out with minimal fuss.

Amazing, as well, that she thinks I spend my money on frivolous stuff, junk if you will... (self preservation ?) just because I don't have areas that I have staked as things that I could organize and decorate myself has never stopped me from accumulating the silly.

...and amazing to think that I still feel like I am living on the fringe, utilizing someone else's space even though she truly doesn't mind that my things get left on the dining room table or stacked in the corner, and after all this time, I have not managed to organize the space I do have.

She recently made the comment that her house doesn't feel like her home anymore (missing dad).  I understand the feeling, its been so long since I have had the freedom of privacy, or the freedom to decorate a wall the way I would like, to display the paintings I have done.

Why have I needed permission to set the kitchen up the way I wanted?  Because she still uses it occasionally, and doesn't know where I or Dawn or Darcie puts things.  It is still her kitchen, I am just the chief cook and bottle washer.

Why did I stop painting? As far as the paintings go, I have nowhere to display any of them, and it doesn't feel okay to 'create' then toss them around to be ruined.  People don't realize that we sometime allow the minor comments or observations affect what we do.  Guess I let the comment 'don't know what you are going to do with all of those....' bother me.  They could have been Christmas presents.  But they are not painted, because I allowed the comment to influence me.

I am amazed that I have allowed myself to feel this way.  No one would mind if I claimed my life back, staked an area to reflect my personality, actually said, no it isn't okay that my stuff gets lost, ruined or neglected.  After all, don't we control our own lives?