So those of you who know me are aware of my deliberate addiction to the Twilight series; not because they were great books, but because having them and being able to pick them up and read them instead of gambling saved my life.  I know that is melodramatic, however it is pretty close to the truth.

Anyone who has an addiction can relate; when you can't stop there is a feeling of wanting to end it all just to break the craving.  The knowledge that you have no control over your own desires or abilities. Hopelessness.

There were times that I thought if I was in a car accident it would be the easy way out.  Looking for a way to escape is a constant mental litany for most addicts.  All I could think about was the fact that I was gambling and couldn't take care of myself, that I was going to be one of those little old ladies that wear Depends so they don't have to leave the machine and go to the restroom.

I hid it from my friends and family.  I know the kids were pretty irritated if they found out I was sitting in front of a machine, so maybe I wasn't that good at hiding it.  But I don't think they realized the extent of it.  I could describe my behavior and specific situations, but that is baring more of my soul than I want to.  Suffice it to say I experienced one of the most extreme addictions to gambling
that I ever saw. I seriously didn't see a full paycheck for years, and the moment the check was in the bank I would be in the hole, to cover what I lost when I gambled. The only reason it didn't get worse is that I never owned anything I could pawn or outright sell.

According to Jonathan Pearlman, Sydney (Australia)  "A new guideline for doctors published on the Medical Journal of Australia’s website calls on practitioners to treat gambling addiction as a medical problem and recommends the use “with caution” of the drug naltrexone.....The drug, usually used to treat problems such as heroin and alcohol addictions, can help to block the overproduction in the brain of endogenous opioids and to assist people to control their impulses."

Addictions can happen to anyone; it has less to do with intelligence than it does state of mind.  You see, there is an area of the brain that is stroked, no matter what the addiction is, a feeling of being able to do anything, accomplish anything.  It puts you in a state of false well being we can't extend to our
everyday life.  Then it turns to a feeling of hopelessness and the knowledge that you are not strong enough to overcome what is happening to you makes you feel even worse.

Anyhow, my original intention was to comment on the latest movie of the Twilight series.  Yes, I have read the series about 12 times, over the period of a year.  I guess I needed to explain why I read it that many times.  To be able to fixate on something long enough to overcome the desire to go gamble (drink, do drugs) until the next time the need hits.....well, it was a blessing.

The first movies were pretty good if you like that kind of thing, but they didn't really approach the reality of being sucked in like reading them did.  This last movie was completely the opposite.  I felt almost vindicated that this was a series that helped me so much, thankful that I could connect and become absorbed in Breaking Dawn, Part 1 the same way I did the written series.  Thank you
Stephenie Meyer, from my heart.

Is Change Really all That Good?

I started typing and realized what I was writing was just a lot of whining.  No one wants to read that unless there are great pictures to go with it.  lol

So, my initial question, is change really all that good?  my ultimate answer (without the whining) is yes.........

Maybe I will get around to writing what I like about change.  But some days.............

Instead of writing, I think I will just share some of my favorite photos, and remind people that if things didn't change they would forever stay the same.  Even a rock changes; just not on the same time frame that we live.

Wish we could have gotten a 'fan' picture. But I love this one.

 

This is one of the pictures I will need to include on my Domesticated Wildlife Wednesday.  Working on editing some other fun ones, but I am afraid the quick sister took all of the good ones, I will just have to set it up and share, allowing everyone to view things from yet another set of eyes.

Wacky Wildlife Wednesday

First, let me share a couple of  links, first to the bird and blooms blog I posted this evening and second to a post that shares the love of nature:

http://wp.me/p1oBHw-2mS      Fun times at Bauman's Farms.  Gonna do it again with yet another sister.  (Picture me smiling, quite satisfied.)

http://www.debduty.com/   This is a post that shares the love of nature, and a good way to get yourself out there.

Now, today was spent with Dawn, driving around (one of our favorite things to do) taking pictures, enjoying each other's company.  I am not sure about Dawn, but I know that our biweekly jaunts tend to fulfill a desire nestled deep within, to make something in my life fun.  Aw, I realize that being able to play on the computer, being able to spend time with family, sharing the photos and the funnies of our family and friends may be enough for a lot of people.  But for me there needs to be a recharge point, something to plug into.

Today that something was going up to the reservoir (I know this spelling looks wrong, but its what the computer told me, so go figure!) to find birds.  Unfortunately there was only one, and he wasn't remotely interested in us:

We really had to zoom in so this isn't all that much

But is was a gorgeous day for our Wacky Wildlife Wednesday, and if that was all the wildlife we could find, it was worth the trip.

Here's a couple of more shots we took while hoping for a closer glimpse of our fine feathered buddy.

Should have been teeming with wildlife, instead all was peaceful, as you can see.

So it begs the question -- where have all the birds gone?

At some point I am going to hit the jackpot, I am going to stumble upon (I said it, too, Dawnee!) a flock of geese, or a kingfisher or a bald eagle soaring across the fields, but until then, I will use the days to recharge, learn to appreciate the gifts I have been given.

Thank you for stopping by.

Reference to my other blog.

http://wp.me/p1oBHw-1Wm               


This should be a connection to the birdsandbloomsblog.com  blog I wrote tonight.  I would love if you all checked it out and left comments.

Its after 2:30 and I gotta work tomorrow...........

Off with Summer, on with Fall

                          Wonderful finds as Dawn and I attempt to make the counter 'plant worthy'.........

Something old, something new...............or at least new uses for old things.
 Found this candle thingy tucked away, the candle only burned once....the theory was good, but the actual product didn't work for us, so taking out the wax and putting in the rocks and crystals---which are supposed to be good for the mental and physical--goodness knows I could use some help with both mental and physical.  

And now I am wondering how to go about spending the time to organize and emphasize the sweetness... I remember years ago being able to take a spot and decorate it the way I wanted, then going to the next. and then the next, until, ultimately I had a wonderful relaxing place that felt special to me.




So this my goal.....find old things that are new to me, or find new things that would fit into the 'old' atmosphere I am interested in.  Enjoy what I have accomplished, learn from other bloggers, and quit sitting back waiting for things to happen.

Ramblings on this first day of September.........

I don't know if it is plagiarism to describe my favorite Far Side comic; it completely describes my life.  I know we cannot post any of the comics (Gary Larsen has full rights and approves no posting, so I have read); but to describe it, well maybe that's a different kettle of fish.  Here goes.  (Bear with me, oh friends that have heard me go on about it before.)

.....Picture a flock of geese walking south for the winter.  They are in perfect formation, with the leading goose being the lookout, staving off the headwinds that may make it difficult to make progress through the fields and across the roads as they make their way south.  The leading guy looks up and sees another flock flying overhead.  Caption reads simply:  "Say, look what they're doing."

The story of my life, always looking at what other people are doing.  Choices we make.  Hmmm, sometimes we play the mental game of wishing. "Wish I could do that." or "Wouldn't it be cool to (fill blank in with your own desires)."  That comic completely describes my way of living.  I have lived my life as a watcher not a doer, one that secretly resents all of the contestants on any reality or game show.  All I thought of was how much more I could use the money.  I mean come on, really!! You really want to win a million bucks to pay for a wedding?  Psht!  I have better uses for it.

So, learning is difficult, and sometimes we travel the pathway around the mountain more than once before our reality sinks in.  We really can control what we do, or how we handle a situation.

Here's an example:  I have always wanted to be a writer.  Never mind that I have never finished a story; never mind that I couldn't see an end to my own plots.  But, we started a writers group with my favorite people in the world, and it reaffirmed my ability to write.  So, okay, I can do this.  Then I joined a writing class where we pick a topic and write, usually something personal, reflections on our lives in relation to a spring day, or a tree from our past.  Nothing fake.  Then my sister says I need to start a blog.  Well, okay, but who would be interested?  Doesn't matter.  It's writing that matters.  Here is what I gain by writing:  I see what I want, instead of think about it.  Seeing something is one step closer to reality.  Putting things down on paper is one way to set goals.  Pretty soon the pathway is there.

Now my reality includes two blogs, one personal, and one that is read nationally by anyone so inclined.  The shadows and the lights surrounding my desires have firmed up into the lines of something I can touch.

Managed to finish my first blog for Birds and Blooms.  Had to work with one of the editors closely to get to know the program.  And the original item I had written, which I love very much needed to be pared down.....after all, I wasn't writing a story, I was highlighting an anecdote.

Kind of like life:  sometimes we are very dramatic and we feel that the whole world needs to hear our version of life, in minute detail.  In this case, paring out the fluff parts worked.  I have definately learned some focusing lessons.  But......

Improved living?  Sure, buying that camera was about the best personal move I have made in a long time, and I am really enjoying the learning part.  I am sure if I hadn't had that ability to take great pictures I wouldn't have the nerve to speak up to Birds and Blooms when the invitation showed up.  Found some terrific websites with wonderful information.  This blog is awesome.  Take some time if you want to check it out.
Hummingbirds
And now to show off some of my pics: 

 

These are all just for fun, haven't done any editing yet.  But it was great trying to get the shots.